If life were just about sitting around, hoping things would happen, it’d suck. It’d suck real bad. Because life doesn’s stop. It never stops. And it’s not living if all we do is wait to be spoon fed this magical elusive mystery that we yearn for so much but can never achieve; this beautiful and unreachable “Life” that we have created in our minds, hoping that one day, surely any day now, perhaps today is that day, it will finally fall in our laps and we can rest now because the wait is over and we have what we wanted, what we’ve been needing for who knows how long.
What a mystical word. Four letters, yet so much meaning. We want so much of it and yet we are so afraid to grasp it fully, scared we’ll be swallowed whole and lose sight of reality. That’s a scary thing, to fall and not know if there will be a net to catch you. So you hang on to the rail, you’re left looking down into the pit, wanting so much to jump and to know but so terrified that the only thing you will find once you let go is emptiness and loneliness and the great big universe of disappointment.
Disappointment in what exactly is left to one’s imagination, one’s own personal context. One can be disappointed in one’s self, or in one’s surroundings. Or both. Disappointment happens when we have expectations and those expectations aren’t met. You think the book’s going to be AMAZING and then you read it and it’s trash and so you feel disappointed; you were let down and now you have a hard time trusting any books by that author.
So it’s safer to just hold on and look down and wonder. You wonder about what exactly is down there, who’s down there, what it feels like, will it be scary or exciting or both? You wonder all these things, as your hands grip tighter and tighter because now you have all these expectations and now it’s just too hard to let go and then find yourself feeling empty.
You can’t live that way forever.
If you did, you might never be able to feel the magic of raindrops on your skin as you shamelessly twirl beneath a storm. You might never be able to taste the sweet pastries from that bakery you always drive by but never allow yourself the indulgence of peaking inside of. You might never know the wonder of falling in love with someone’s laugh, or someone’s soul. You might miss out on some great movie next to a stranger that just might become one of your best friends. You might miss out on a lot of things.
See here’s the thing. Life isn’t about holding on to the rail and always merely watching from behind the scenes, only allowing yourself a glimpse of what could be.
You do realize free will is a thing right? You can drive down the road to that bloody bakery and eat all the brownies that your heart desires (might not be too great for the figure, but hey? what’s a couple of pounds when those brownies can bring you happiness for eternity), read all the cringey books you want to just for the laugh, meet up with that one friend that you’ve missed so deeply but you haven’t talked to them in so long you’re afraid it’s going to be awkward.
THAT is what life is about.
Taking those steps to do things you have been too fearful to do. Tackle those giants, take control, and let Life just do its thing. God will surprise you in so many ways. Just let go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take that jump. You’ve got this.